This Bird Does It

Librarian ramblings

The Fat Chick


Two whole days I went without writing.  Did you miss me?

Today’s topic?  The Fat Chick.  It’s me, now.  I’ve been overweight for a while now, I’ve even recognized it enough to lose 30 lbs that I didn’t keep off, but I’m only just now beginning to realize that I self identify as The Fat Chick.  I want to be a model of good body image for my daughter.  I want to be strong and healthy.  I want to keep up.  But, I also want to look good in clothes, if not swimsuits.  I want to feel good, too.

So, it’s a bit painful to admit that I’m overweight, but that’s not new.  What does hurt a little is realizing I’d sort of accepted it.  If I just go with it, I’m consciously choosing to accept not being healthy, or strong, or even looking good.  That can’t be good.  I’ve journaled about all this before somewhere else, and those friends were very supportive.  But somehow, it still didn’t stick.  I didn’t STAY with the changes I made.  I’m going to choose to believe that particular failure  is not indicative of some personal failing or character flaw.  I’m just going to start again.  I’m going to move forward with this project.  I’m going to visualize success, and along the way, I’ll try to keep you, Dear Diary, updated, too.  How much fun will it be to have the whole record when I finally drop the 60 lbs I want to ditch.

That's right.  Just a touch past the 200 pound mark.  That can't stand.

That’s right. Just past the 200 pound mark.

I have deleted my old myfitnesspal account.  I had some friends, from real life, and those I’d met on that site, who were supportive and I appreciate that.  I don’t want to blow them off, but it was part of trying to clean up my online presence and stay in control.  I have a new account, but I don’t really want to connect with it.  I mostly use it for the food diary features, and I’ll keep it low key.  That’s not to say that I don’t want support.  I’d love to hear some “Atta Girl” and “Lookin’ Good” comments from the gallery here.  Please, if you read, feel free to chime in.  You can also tell me to get off my butt and move, or stop eating the damn chocolate if I’m doing that, too.  I’m pretty thick skinned.  It takes both to be supportive, I believe.

So, I weighed in at about 202 this morning.  Yup.  That’s a tough number to put on a public blog.  So is this one, I just got a pair of pants for Easter in size 16.  It ain’t exactly a “before” picture, but I won’t be doing that without the “after” shots to go along.  I do have SOME limits to my humility.  🙂  I’m doing well today, and lots of times I just really need to get a few good days under my belt to feel like I’m on a roll.  And if I can get the food thing on a roll, maybe I can find the motivation to get up and move.  If you pray, I’d appreciate your prayers.  This is hard, even if I want to pretend it isn’t.  And if prayer isn’t your thing, just some good thoughts are appreciated.


Author: tenoclockbird

Just another mommy/student/librarian wannabe writing a blog.

11 thoughts on “The Fat Chick

  1. Elli, I so admire your pure GUTS to put this out publicly. As you know, I’ve fought this battle my entire life. Last year about this time I lost 40 pounds. From 263 to 223. I just this morning FINALLY got back on the scale – knowing it wasn’t going to be good. I’m back up to 239. I was so pissed off at myself! I want to get a handle on it before it gets any worse. I kept it ALL off until the holidays, so this gain has been in very recent months. I lost it by just cutting back on portions and being cognizant of carbs. I try to keep my carbs lower and that seems to help me. But I was so determined to NOT give up any food group completely. I’ve tried every diet on the planet, and portion control seemed to work better for me. I don’t intend to give up my occasional wine or scotch or a piece of bread every now and then. But I’ve lost control over the portion thing and everything else too. I’m determined to start again today. Thanks for giving me a ‘boost’. I’ll definitely pray for you and would appreciate your prayers too. Maybe we can share progress? Love you! Can’t wait to see you! MJ

    • Mary Jo, I will definitely pray for you! Okay, so you gained some back? It’s not ALL of it. Get back in control now. I really like thinking of it as a control thing. That’s what got me to quit smoking, thinking about being in charge and not letting something, anything else be in charge. Please keep reading and share your progress, too!

  2. Good for you! I know how hard it is – and while it may not appear that way now..I started my journey years ago at over 175. Getting into a routine was vital for me at the beginning – both eating, and exercising. I know when I started out, I didn’t want to work out in any group setting – I found DVD’s I liked, and did them at home – during the kids naptime. But I did them 3/4 days on, 1 day off – religiously! By holding myself to that, it worked. Sometimes the hardest thing is that first step – and I don’t mean of the whole journey – I mean every single day when you don’t feel like working out. Get a week under your belt..and hopefully it will get easier. I say good for you for putting it out there. Anything you need! I posted this on FB today – but it applies to you for sure – “Success is never based on where you start. Its where you finish.” -Bob Weiland

  3. First of all, Elli, I admire your courage. We all have struggles with one thing or another, and on some days, lots of things! Many of us (at least I) don’t usually want to admit it because somehow we see that as a flaw in our character. Best wishes to you on your journey! You’re a strong person and I have no doubt you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. I’ll pray for you and I ask you to do the same for me, Please keep us posted on your progress!

  4. Thanks! Well, as for progress, I can tell you that I definitely stumbled today. Maybe Chaos Thursday was not the best day to start. Onward to tomorrow!

  5. Hi, Elli! Personally, I’ve got to exercise. Anything you want to do together, let me know! Do you like to walk? Especially now that it (theoretically, anyway) will be lighter and warmer in the evenings, maybe we could pick one night a week to walk. Do you like to play tennis? I am not very coordinated, but I have taken lessons through WorthParks and Rec the past few springs, and have really enjoyed it. I will probably sign up again.

  6. P.S. I think you are radiant and beautiful! 🙂

    • Thanks, Jena. You’re too sweet. I think walking could be a good plan in the evenings, just as soon as it warms a little. I don’t play tennis, never learned, never tried. If I can get my stamina up, I’d like to eventually take some of the fitness classes at the rec center. I’ve got to get started, I know. I’m most likely to walk in the early morning or at pick up time after school. I start out about an hour early and just end at the school, then I get the walk home to cool down. We will make plans when it warms up. Thanks!

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