Two whole days I went without writing. Did you miss me?
Today’s topic? The Fat Chick. It’s me, now. I’ve been overweight for a while now, I’ve even recognized it enough to lose 30 lbs that I didn’t keep off, but I’m only just now beginning to realize that I self identify as The Fat Chick. I want to be a model of good body image for my daughter. I want to be strong and healthy. I want to keep up. But, I also want to look good in clothes, if not swimsuits. I want to feel good, too.
So, it’s a bit painful to admit that I’m overweight, but that’s not new. What does hurt a little is realizing I’d sort of accepted it. If I just go with it, I’m consciously choosing to accept not being healthy, or strong, or even looking good. That can’t be good. I’ve journaled about all this before somewhere else, and those friends were very supportive. But somehow, it still didn’t stick. I didn’t STAY with the changes I made. I’m going to choose to believe that particular failure is not indicative of some personal failing or character flaw. I’m just going to start again. I’m going to move forward with this project. I’m going to visualize success, and along the way, I’ll try to keep you, Dear Diary, updated, too. How much fun will it be to have the whole record when I finally drop the 60 lbs I want to ditch.
I have deleted my old myfitnesspal account. I had some friends, from real life, and those I’d met on that site, who were supportive and I appreciate that. I don’t want to blow them off, but it was part of trying to clean up my online presence and stay in control. I have a new account, but I don’t really want to connect with it. I mostly use it for the food diary features, and I’ll keep it low key. That’s not to say that I don’t want support. I’d love to hear some “Atta Girl” and “Lookin’ Good” comments from the gallery here. Please, if you read, feel free to chime in. You can also tell me to get off my butt and move, or stop eating the damn chocolate if I’m doing that, too. I’m pretty thick skinned. It takes both to be supportive, I believe.
So, I weighed in at about 202 this morning. Yup. That’s a tough number to put on a public blog. So is this one, I just got a pair of pants for Easter in size 16. It ain’t exactly a “before” picture, but I won’t be doing that without the “after” shots to go along. I do have SOME limits to my humility. 🙂 I’m doing well today, and lots of times I just really need to get a few good days under my belt to feel like I’m on a roll. And if I can get the food thing on a roll, maybe I can find the motivation to get up and move. If you pray, I’d appreciate your prayers. This is hard, even if I want to pretend it isn’t. And if prayer isn’t your thing, just some good thoughts are appreciated.