Someday I’ll figure out my own head. Not so much today, though. I thought I would try to update “The Fat Chick” weekly, but tomorrow will be two weeks since I laid it all out there, and you haven’t heard anything from me, have you? Well, don’t think I’ve just walked off and forgotten about all that. No, I’m just having trouble figuring out exactly what I want to share. I mean this to be a personal journal, yeah, but I don’t want to forget I’m leaving it on the table for everyone to read, either. Forever, possibly. I mean, you really can’t erase the internet, can you?
So, first thing is the basic update. I’m under 200, again. Just barely, but there you go. 199.8 at 7am this morning. Let’s keep that trend up.
Here’s the big thing I wasn’t sure I was ready to share, but my brain isn’t accepting that. I guess I want to talk about it more than I thought I did, but I kinda don’t. See? Can’t figure out my own head. So, if I just put it out there, there won’t be anymore angst on deciding to talk about it, right?
I have joined Weight Watchers. Yup. I have paid money to get help to lose this weight. And it ain’t cheap. I am not convinced it is actually value priced, but I got in on that deal where they waive your Sign-Up Fee, so that’s not so bad. I won’t be going to any meetings, or weighing myself in public (not sure why that’s so much scarier than posting a scale picture on the internet), online only for me. It has only been a few days, but it is a pretty neat tool. It’s well set up, with a slick website, and no other program gets reviewed as well for actually working. But I just can’t get my head around the fact that I paid money for this. It seems like an admission of failure. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to talk about it here? It feels like I’m saying, “I couldn’t do what should be easy, so help me.” And I guess I am, except the part about it being easy. I know it’s hard, I’ve been doing this for a couple years now, and nothing else has worked. There is the part of my brain that says, “Yeah, but you didn’t try THAT hard, did you?”
So, now you’re privy to the internal dialogue I’ve had over the last week or so. The upshot is that I’ve accepted that I need more help than just a good food tracker. WW is essentially just that, but they make it much easier. And as a lifestyle change, it makes much more sense. I’m not going to be able to sustain a long term lifestyle requiring me to count calories. The PointsPlus thing is so much easier. So far, anyway.
And then there’s the whole thing about getting off my butt and moving more. I’m feeling the urge to get outside, and that’s good. I’m sure it’s just the same thing everyone is feeling this time of year, especially when the calendar says it’s the first week of April, but it feels much more like the first week of March. I WANT to get outside and move. I think I’m going to bundle Baby Bird up and walk to pick up the big kids after school today, even though it’s only supposed to be about 45 or so at pick up time. It will be good for all of us.
I want this. And I’ve started to visualize the end result. I can see it, it’s real. Just have to not get distracted. I hope to have a lot of habits changed before my classes start up again the first week of June.
If you’re still reading, thanks! I know I was gone for a few days, but my buddy in Germany checked in everyday. Thanks, to you, whoever you are!